What to ask after “Are you OK?”

Breaking the stigma around mental illness requires us to make mental health a part of our everyday conversations. Talking about mental health is a sign of strength and self-awareness and invites others to participate in an ongoing conversation with far reaching benefits.

Offering a non-judgemental, safe and private space to talk can give people the confidence to open up and feel supported.

But despite being all too familiar with caring for the wellbeing of patients and residents, it’s not always easy to know what to say when a co-worker is struggling with their mental health. And like any industry, aged care is not without its unique mental health challenges.

Heavy workloads coupled with the intense emotional strain of caring for residents can often lead to chronic stress and burnout amongst nurses and carers.

The physical demands of the job, along with long hours and irregular shifts, commonly lead to fatigue and exhaustion, while caring for residents experiencing dementia or terminal illnesses can result in vicarious trauma, for which little mental health support is available.

Constantly asked to do more with less, it’s no wonder so many aged care workers feel underpaid and undervalued. Which is why checking in with your colleagues – especially if you’ve spotted worrying signs – is all the more important. Before starting the conversation, consider the questions you might ask and what outcomes might follow.

Are you ready to offer meaningful support? Are you aware of your boundaries and responsibilities in the situation? Having a plan in place – and being prepared for an honest, genuine
exchange – is key to ensuring that your check-ins go beyond surface-level concern and lead to real, impactful support or help.

Three more questions to ask

The common question “Are you OK?” can at times feel too broad, particularly for someone experiencing complex emotions, burnout or mental health challenges.

Asking this question can invite a yes or no response, which doesn’t always foster deeper dialogue or reveal the true extent of someone’s struggles.

To create opportunities for more meaningful conversations it’s necessary to ask specific, compassionate questions that encourage people to reflect and share.

1. “What’s been the hardest part of your day?”

This question is effective in that it invites specificity and reflection, making it easier to share personal challenges in a tangible, relatable way.

By focusing on a particular moment, it also reduces the risk of overwhelming the person and allows them to open up without feeling exposed.

Broader questions can sometimes be intimidating, but asking about a specific experience offers an entry point to discuss the challenges being faced.

For example, they might mention a stressful meeting, leading to a deeper conversation about the root cause of the stress.

This approach not only fosters a supportive environment, but also helps the person feel heard and understood, giving you the chance to acknowledge their feelings or offer more substantial help if needed.

2. “Is there anything you wish could be different right now?"

Asking, “Is there anything you wish could be different right now?” encourages someone to reflect on areas of their life or work that may be causing stress or dissatisfaction.

This question opens up space for conversations about possible changes, whether they’re small adjustments or significant shifts.

By phrasing it this way, you acknowledge that their feelings are valid and empower them to consider solutions.

This can lead to practical steps or tangible support, helping them feel more in control and less burdened by the pressures they’re facing.

3. “How can I best support you?”

This question goes a step further by directly inviting someone to express the type of help they need, which reinforces a sense of control and autonomy.

Not only does it show genuine willingness to listen, but it also acknowledges that their struggles are unique to them, and they know best what will be helpful in this moment.

By creating space for them to outline what support they require, you avoid making assumptions or imposing solutions. Additionally, this question signals an ongoing offer of support.

In a workplace or community setting, asking this question helps build a culture where seeking and offering support is normalised, which in turn strengthens relationships and promotes overall collective well-being.

Check in more often

The reality today is that mental illness is not something we can adequately address in one conversation which means we must become comfortable checking in with our colleagues all 365 days of the year. Maybe just… every day.

In conversations about mental health, asking thoughtful, specific questions can safeguard the wellbeing of those around us.

Moving beyond surface-level check-ins to more empathetic, meaningful exchanges creates an environment where individuals feel seen, valued and safe to be vulnerable.

Shifting from simple enquiries to truly engaging in someone’s challenges can make all the difference in creating lasting, impactful conversations about mental health.

Peta Sigley is the co-founder and chief executive of Springfox, a business and training consultancy that specialises in emotional wellbeing.

Read more: Government program to help nurse burnout | ‘Reclaim your health’: burnout tips for aged care nurses | Half of Australians in aged care have depression. Psychological therapy could help

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