Carer of wife with Alzheimer’s says he is ‘grateful’ for all their time together

Bernie and Barbara Donnelly, aged 91 and 95, have been married for 70 years, raised four children, and are now the proud grandparents of four.

But three years ago, the couple began to notice that Barbara forgot things more often than before.

She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, a neurodegenerative disease that slowly breaks down brain cells and connections associated with memory and mental functioning.

Bernie became her full-time carer. Every day, he dresses her in the morning and cooks and cleans the house.

"While she has poor memory, she’ll occasionally surprise me with what she remembers," he shares.

"We are lucky to have been together for so long, we are very close, and she definitely appreciates all that I do."

Bernie says that despite her memory loss, she’s still in good shape and quite active for her age, although this also poses some problems for Bernie in trying to protect her from harm.

"We have to be careful. All the gates need to be locked, and the front door too; otherwise, she could go for a wander at any time."

Because he can’t leave Barbara alone at home, she joins him wherever he goes, including to the shops and getting petrol. 

"When we go shopping, I have to make sure she is with me all the time," he says.

"So, that can be very challenging at times."

Luckily, Bernie doesn’t have to do everything by himself. They often receive help from Meals on Wheels, and their children are there to support them too.

On Tuesday and Friday mornings, their daughter Robyn drives Barbara to attend aged care provider ECH’s day program in Walkerville, where she’ll stay during the day to join the activities. 

Bernie says she loves the set-up and is always very involved in the games and activities.

"When Barbara is at the day program, it gives me a chance to do things – I get to go to lunch every second Tuesday with my golf friends," he says.

Barbara has also stayed four times for a few days at the Care Hotel, a new initiative by ECH that offers short-term respite for carers by taking care of their loved ones in their absence. 

"She loves it there,” Bernie says. “And they are a marvellous group of people who look after her very well."

When she’s at home with Bernie, they enjoy watching TV together and working in the garden.

"I’m grateful for all the time we spent together," Bernie says.

"I don’t know what the future holds, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Do you have an idea for a story?
Email [email protected]